Stop, Look, Listen: five things to lighten a mood on a manic day, hence posting this at 8.31pm (warning: don't let your kids read this)

Three women on a daily news podcast making jokes about oral sex as I drive to buy some sausages and get a blood test (for nothing terrible). Thanks, Miranda, Holly and Grainne.

Three men talking about jumping out of a plane while ejaculating. Yes, this has the potential to be dreadful, but it was very funny on the way down to Waitrose for some emergency …